Dance. My passion, my life. my next MMM project?? hehhee... I was very excited to read the theme "Dance" from http://mixedmediamonday.wordpress.com/ because I am a dancer. The theme "dance" seemed vast and so many ways for me to personally interpret it. However, I found myself doing pirouettes around one idea. The idea that I have to celebrate myself as an artist and as a dancer. Its hard to recognize oneself. We tend to look out ward for recognition. For validation. So this was a special opportunity for me to take that therapeutic step in saying, yes I see who I am, by and for myself.
I am a competitive dancer. not just with myself, but I enter in bellydance competitions. (ahem... outward seeking of validation) Some I have won, others I have lost. Its hard, as a full time dancer, who is also in a dance company, to continually put up the strength and determination that is needed to repeatedly enter into competitions. Being at the mercy of the judges' tastes, style and mood at the moment is hard on a performer who pours her heart out onstage. especially if its a repeated loss. As a dancer, I start to wonder, am I good enough, am I doing my best...if I only had alittle more time to rehearse, if only I were younger, better, faster at choreography...if my stomach could flutter, if my beck bends were deeper, if I were best friends with the judges...the "what if" list is endless.
Bottom line, is that my fears and insecurities can sometimes hold back my creativity and success. when Iam under a time pressure to create a choreography that will impress the judges and show off my best skills while not forgoing my personal expression, I can sometimes lose faith. I cry. I collapse. physically and emotionally.
During these heart aching times, I turn to my other source of inspiration and creativity. And that's my paper crafting. I use it to remind myself that I AM an Artist! Outside of dancing, I also create. I get my mind off of movement and into paint, glitter, stickers, glue, tiny objects, pretty and ugly papers. TEXTURE, SHAPES, a visual stimuli... a subconscious creation. I don't "think" too much on "how to do it", I just play. Creating my little art thingies...that's my therapy so I can continue dancing and giving my gift to the world. Getting "paper crafty" is my way of recharging so I can step onto the stage and say "hello world, I am here to Dance out Loud! and dance it well! It doesnt matter if my art is good or bad, because it helps to make my dancing even better. (It DOES matter if my dancing is good or bad!)
So with all this said, I made alittle shrine to the artist in me. To remind myself when I get scared, doubtful, and insecure that my true self is strong, determined, driven, and dedicated to living my dream. Living the experience of a lifetime. MY lifetime. The life of a dancer. not part time, not hobbyist, but a full time living breathing, dancer. And that's a blessing and a privilege. Thanks to the support of my boyfriend and mother.I am blessed. I am living my childhood dream.
So, cheers to all the Artists, who continue to "do" even when they think they "cant". Keep the faith. Keep creating. Live YOUR dream. Never stop.
I am here to Dance out loud! I am the Artist! For once, its me.
The "stage" is the backside of a canvas. and the gold "orchestra pit" fence is actually one of my beaded bellydance arm bands that I straitened out. Thanks for reading :)
